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On my gender
Aug. 5th, 2019 05:31 pmI don’t like assigning labels to myself. Labels have different meanings and different connotations to different people, both of which can change over time. But I don’t think I can make this make sense without putting one here. So, here we are: I am transgender.
It’s important to me to let people know this, even though I hate turning it into a big announcement thing. I haven’t fully decided how I want to move on with it; indeed there’s no “correct” way to proceed. I want to give you a little bit of background on where I’m coming from and why I’m telling you this.
I wasn’t aware of the existence of other trans people until I was 17 or so – this was running up to the year 2000 after all: pre-google; pre-wikipedia – and despite having previously spent puberty hating what I was becoming, I didn’t accept that it was something that could apply to me until a few years later. Some other things happened around the time I was at Uni that caused me to try to ignore it during my twenties, but I continued to be happiest when I was not being perceived as male.
There’s no medical test to tell if someone is trans. I can’t get someone to wave a Star Trek scanner at me and get a green light and a ding, any more than I could run a test to decide what my favourite colour is, or who I’m attracted to. The medical profession has tried to medicalise trans diagnoses but ultimately you just know. Some cis (non-trans) people are just lucky enough that they’ve never needed to question that aspect of themselves. All I can ask is that you accept that I know my own mind on this. I identify as … not male; a woman, if I had to put a binary label on it.
I haven’t decided what being trans looks like for me yet. I’m having counselling, and I’ve started laser hair removal for my face, as I’m certain I don’t want facial hair. Any changes I choose to make will be based on a whole bundle of things including my self-image, social circumstances, and a dozen other things I won’t get into now.
So, why am I telling you this?
I’ve reached the point where I’m very uncomfortable with being referred to as male, and it has occurred to me that my friends probably don’t want to be doing something that is inadvertently hurting me.
So, my preferred pronouns are, for now, they/them in public – I’m not yet out as female publicly, though my only specific concerns are regarding coming out to family, work, and potentially neighbours. I am also trialling she/her pronouns and being called Katherine, a name I chose for myself when I was 20 or so, amongst those of you who would like to help me out, to see how it feels. I’m happy for you to share this with people you trust, eg partners.
Thank you for reading this, and I’m happy to answer any questions; either directly, or I’ve created an Q&A account if you want to ask anonymously: https://curiouscat.me/headpigeons
Kathy
tl;dr – Kat/Kathy/Katherine & she/her if you're reading this; my previous name & they/them elsewhere.
It’s important to me to let people know this, even though I hate turning it into a big announcement thing. I haven’t fully decided how I want to move on with it; indeed there’s no “correct” way to proceed. I want to give you a little bit of background on where I’m coming from and why I’m telling you this.
I wasn’t aware of the existence of other trans people until I was 17 or so – this was running up to the year 2000 after all: pre-google; pre-wikipedia – and despite having previously spent puberty hating what I was becoming, I didn’t accept that it was something that could apply to me until a few years later. Some other things happened around the time I was at Uni that caused me to try to ignore it during my twenties, but I continued to be happiest when I was not being perceived as male.
There’s no medical test to tell if someone is trans. I can’t get someone to wave a Star Trek scanner at me and get a green light and a ding, any more than I could run a test to decide what my favourite colour is, or who I’m attracted to. The medical profession has tried to medicalise trans diagnoses but ultimately you just know. Some cis (non-trans) people are just lucky enough that they’ve never needed to question that aspect of themselves. All I can ask is that you accept that I know my own mind on this. I identify as … not male; a woman, if I had to put a binary label on it.
I haven’t decided what being trans looks like for me yet. I’m having counselling, and I’ve started laser hair removal for my face, as I’m certain I don’t want facial hair. Any changes I choose to make will be based on a whole bundle of things including my self-image, social circumstances, and a dozen other things I won’t get into now.
So, why am I telling you this?
I’ve reached the point where I’m very uncomfortable with being referred to as male, and it has occurred to me that my friends probably don’t want to be doing something that is inadvertently hurting me.
So, my preferred pronouns are, for now, they/them in public – I’m not yet out as female publicly, though my only specific concerns are regarding coming out to family, work, and potentially neighbours. I am also trialling she/her pronouns and being called Katherine, a name I chose for myself when I was 20 or so, amongst those of you who would like to help me out, to see how it feels. I’m happy for you to share this with people you trust, eg partners.
Thank you for reading this, and I’m happy to answer any questions; either directly, or I’ve created an Q&A account if you want to ask anonymously: https://curiouscat.me/headpigeons
Kathy
tl;dr – Kat/Kathy/Katherine & she/her if you're reading this; my previous name & they/them elsewhere.
